Category Archives: Sarcasm

my creed…(trigger warning: sarcasm)

I'm delightfultreat others the way you want to be treated; this is the best rule to live by (i.e.: the golden rule). even if you’re an athiest, or an agnostic, or any other type of -est, -ic, or -ist.

don’t say you will do something and then back out without warning or explanation.

if you’re wrong, if you make a mistake, apologize and do your best to make it right.

those we love the most often bear the brunt of our fears, guilt and frustration, whether or not they are actually to blame; be mature enough to ask their forgiveness when you take it out on them.

grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

as a good friend constantly reminds me: you ARE NOT Atlas; so stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders. it will end up crushing you.

if you have child(ren), hug them everyday and tell them you love and are proud of them. if your job or school demands you be away from them for any length of time (i.e.: overnight), call them. our children are our greatest responsibilities… and our greatest achievements. they represent immortality and the best part of life.

you’re never too big or too old for Mama to take you down. she brought you into this world, and she can darn sure take you out. at any time. always respect Mama.

yes, we mothers DO have eyes in the backs of our heads, and no, we will not show them to you.

if you fight with your sibling(s), be sure to make up quickly. they’re some of the best friends you’ll ever have, and if they’re not, maybe you should sit down together and talk about what each of you is doing wrong. fix it. these misunderstandings are wounds that can fester if not lanced right away.

please remember that i’m an individual; if one of my brothers does something stupid or one of my parents offend you, please remember i’m NOT them; don’t blame me. i make enough of my own stupid mistakes and offend enough people; i don’t need to take someone else’s credit. the only two people i’ll accept blame – and praise for – are myself and my son. otherwise, go to the source.

i’m an open book. i’ve been told this before. along with that other cliche, that i wear my heart on my sleeve. if you don’t like to read and you like guessing games rather than the refreshing change of someone who prefers to tell it like they see it, then feel free to leave.

AttentionALWAYS keep open lines of communication with your significant other – or the one you want to BE your significant other. if you want the relationship to last, to work, YOU must work – both of you. and you can’t keep secrets from each other (unless it’s what you’re getting him or her for their birthday, Christmas, or other special days), or go to bed angry.

no cheating. ever. unless writing a book and that’s the character. then it’s okay. sometimes.

i have trust issues. i’m working on them. but if i trust you, don’t lie to me. i’ll do my best to hold myself to the same standard. if i lie to you or you think i have, please tell me so i can make it right if the fault lies with me.

if you need help, ASK FOR IT. but by the same token, don’t expect someone else to solve your problem(s) for you. it’s still your problem; we’ll help if we can, but don’t get lazy.

i don’t want your drama. i have enough of my own. (especially when my characters start taking control of their stories.)  i’m always willing to listen and offer comfort, advice, compassion, a shoulder to cry on/lean on, or assistance, whenever possible, but please remember to take your drama home with you. don’t dump it on me; i’m not your personal landfill. i’m raising a child who lives with ADHD & Asperger’s, and additionally, have my own problems with OCD, adult ADHD, anxiety and depression. i’ll try to extend the same courtesy to you.

i’m willing to listen to your side of the matter, as long as you’ll then listen to mine. (yes, i’ll let you go first.) we may not either succeed in changing the other’s opinion, but we can be satisfied by free, open dialogue. you may not like or agree with everything i have to say, and vise versa. but let’s talk anyway. different points of view are part of what makes life interesting. ignorance begets war. if you don’t believe me, then you need to brush up on your world – or American – history.

Healthy brainyes, i’m sarcastic, and often blunt, with a wacky sense of humor, and likely to stay that way; i’m a writer. it comes with the territory. if you can’t handle that, then maybe our friendship isn’t as strong as i thought it was.

i don’t like to play games. (except when my characters dictate that i do so.) i’m pretty up front with how i feel about people, situations, and life in general; i expect the same courtesy in return. (yes, i said this before, worded differently. somethings are worthy of repetition.)

i take great strides to avoid lying to myself or anyone else (omitting or evading with my son doesn’t count as lying); i expect the same courtesy in return. (also worthy of repetition).

i’m harder to offend than you might think; you disagreeing with me is rarely something worth being offended over. and if i do get offended, i’ll get over it. it’s called maturity.

i’m not stupid. sometimes my learning curve is way out in left field, but eventually i’ll get the picture. though sometimes not until i get smacked in the face with it.

Pretend to be normali’m an open-minded moderate conservative, and quite proud of it. the “open-minded” part means (among other things) that i’m happy to listen to your side of the story, and might even agree with you. the “moderate” part means i’m probably not as “right-wing” as you think i am. the “conservative” part means (among other things) that i don’t like to hear God’s name (or titles) cursed. why are you blaming Him for your problems? ever heard of a little thing called “free will?” everybody has it, and unfortunately, sometimes my free will infringes on your free will, so on and so forth. don’t blame the devil(s) either; free will still applies. if you make bad decisions, it’s your own fault; if you make good decisions, you can pat yourself on the back. good and bad happen to us all.

why do people always say “God****?” why not “Satan****?” or (insert parent’s name here)**** or (insert ex-spouse’s name here)****? etcetera, etcetera. i’m sure if you try it, those expressions will “flow off the tongue” just as easily as God’s name, who probably ALSO wonders why you’re cursing Him.

if i offend you, don’t expect me to know it if you don’t tell me. contrary to what seems to be popular opinion, i DON’T have esp (except for where my son is concerned). i may not apologize for offending you (especially if it wasn’t deliberate), but at least i’ll know the borders of your thin skin before our next interaction.

if you have a problem with me, i’d appreciate it if you tell ME rather than the grapevine. nobody likes a tattle tale.

yes, i’m assertive (aka, pushy). it’s all part of my charm.

Leave a comment

Filed under ADHD, Anxiety, Blogging, Depression, Family, Life, Musings, Random, Sarcasm, Stuff, Writing

rejoice always: a practical application

so. auto accident a few weeks ago, increasingly bi-polar auto air conditioner (thank God for power windows – but it’s in the 80s most days now and not a lot of breeze), and this morning, the big one: my car wouldn’t start. wouldn’t even turn over. the remote unlocked the doors, my kiddo and i got in the car, i inserted the key into the ignition, turned it and…nothing. nada. zip. zero reaction. nobody home. brain dead.

well, okay, there WAS a slight reaction: my gas gauge registered and the mileage appeared on the dash screen. great. at least i know how much gas i have left and how many miles till i reach 100,000.

i had to rouse the parents for a ride, ’cause my brother had already left for his 24 hour shift at the station, and my kiddo starts the reading and math portions of FCAT today. first thing. at least he had a good, healthy breakfast. yep, he was late. but i was smart and called the school to let them know we were having car trouble, but he’d be there. go me.

drove back by the house on my way to work to be sure i’d locked the car. because i thought i’d hit the remote, but not 100 percent sure of that. my sad little car was still unlocked. i pressed the “lock” on the remote, expecting to hear the click of doors securing. nothing. zilch. pressed it again, just to be sure. nothing doing. sighed, opened the driver door to press the power locks. also dead. what?! for the first time in the six years i’ve owned that hunk of metal (it’s entire life off the lot), i had to manually lock all the doors on my car.

i think this is more than just needing a new battery. electrical problem? if so, it’s going right back to the body shop that repaired the car after my accident. i’ve had it back less than a week and since nothing unusual has happened in that time, must be something they did/didn’t do.

so. working on the “rejoice always” and “in everything give thanks” (even when you don’t want to & fail to see the good in a given situation) theories, i rejoiced and gave thanks this morning over my dead car. and who knows, i might have avoided another accident or something much worse by not being able to drive my own car and leave the house at that time. God knows what he’s doing; i guess it’s not important that he tell me. so i’m trying to exercise my tiny kernel of faith and just TRUST him…not always an easy thing to do, ’cause i’ve got this control issue…

i also tried to find the silver lining, and what do you know, there is one: i get to drive my mom’s still-like-new fully air conditioned ford hybrid suv that drives like a dream and has power everything. at least for today. : – )

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogging, Humor, Life, Motherhood, Musings, Real Life, Sarcasm, Thankful

can we expand the menu, please!?

So an old friend contacted me out of the blue recently, several years after leaving me the emotional equivalent of a beached whale, flopping out of my element, gasping for air, frantic that I’d not find sanctuary before I expired. (Okay, it wasn’t quite that dramatic). This “friend” had been something more at the time, and then the drama started. Not quick enough – or smart enough – to hightail it, I ended up being badly burned. Emotionally speaking.

Anyway. Apparently, he’s desperate to talk to someone. – Or so he says. Manipulative much? – And clearly, I’m the current favorite. I know of at least one other person he’s used as “confessor.” Why not call that other person? Or better yet, call God. Let Him deal with the baggage. I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to give him another chance as a friend. Maybe at arm’s length. He pretty much burned the bridge for anything else and would have to perform AMAZING feats of daring do to get back into my good graces enough to rank above friendship status again.

What I want to know is why I seem to be a magnet for damaged guys. Not one of those little, dull magnets that everything falls off of within a day or two. No. I’m talking about one of those huge, good-as-new, shiny magnets. The kind you have to place inside a superconductor box inside freezing cold temps to break its hold on metal objects. One guy was abused as a child – actually, more than one of them was, but I digress – another suffered a baseball bat beating by friends of a psycho ex-girlfriend, another discovered his weakness for “recreational” drugs and had his stomach pumped at least once. And let’s not forget the spoiled, spiteful young man who was an early object of my affections. I regret to say that I allowed him to systematically tear my self-image & esteem to shreds. All of them in their own way drained me to the point of depression. I guess we’re all a little damaged in some way, but it’d be nice to once in a while attract the attentions of a guy who’s risen from the ashes of abuse or psycho girlfriends or whatever else he’s been addicted to and allowed it to make him stronger as a man, rather than continually riding the ferris wheel of self-pity, recidivism and emotional unavailability.

Here’s my order: I’ll take one tall, relatively slender, firmly heterosexual caucasian (ethnicity is negotiable for the right man) male please, heavy on the positive work ethics, a generous helping of morality, a little of the bad boy/devil-may-care personality, a bountiful helping of self-respect and respect for others. He must also be intelligent and have at least a level of common sense comparable to mine (why would I want a man who I can easily manipulate and out-conversate??). A college degree in something useful would be nice. Ambition, a well-paying steady job; likes to travel (outside the USA as well as in), not more than 7 years younger or 10- 15 years older than me. And yes, must be of the same faith as me. There are a few more…um…intimate details, but as this is a family friendly blog, those particular details will be revealed only to the applicant(s) in question. : – )

Am I asking for too much, do you think? I know they’re out there somewhere. I’ve met them. Unfortunately, most of them are married! I don’t want perfection, but a girl’s gotta have SOME standards.

1 Comment

Filed under Friendship, Humor, Life, Musings, Random, Real Life, Relationships, Sarcasm, Stuff, Writing