Category Archives: Writing

hope


what is hope? from whence comes this word, this feeling? is it truly “hopeful” or does it sink us deeper into depression when that for which we “hope” doesn’t come to pass? and if we talk about what it is we’re hoping for (sometimes ad nauseam), does it jinx us; put a wrench in the fulfillment of said hope? or is that just me?

maybe the hope of something should be kept a well-guarded secret. but if that hope involves another person, group of people, etc, if we keep what we wish for secret, how will said person(s) know how to respond? or even that they’re supposed to respond? bah. it’s enough to make you tired.

according to dictionary.com, hope is defined as “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.”

synonyms of “hope” include: faith, expectation, dream, desire, goal, prospect, promise, anticipate, acceptance, assurance. the list is (probably literally) a mile long, and consists of both nouns and verbs.

hope has been around for a long time, and is of unknown origin. it occurs hundreds of times in the Bible. some of my favorite verses include:

  • Romans 8:25 “but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” (still trying to wrap my head around that one);
  • Proverbs 13:12 “hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
  • Proverbs 23:18 “surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
  • Hebrews 11:1 “now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

many businesses, especially churches, utilize “hope” as part of their name: hope college, hope cleaners, house of hope, new hope baptist church. and let’s not forget about people who bear either the first or surname of “hope.”

then there are “hope quotes.” here are a few:

  • “to love is to risk not being loved in return. to hope is to risk pain. to try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
  • “love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.”
  • hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.”
  • “learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

there’s even a short page on hope at wikipedia. okay… maybe i’m analyzing this just a little too much…

i think you get the point. it appears that hope is not just a word, it’s part of our essence, one of the things that makes us human. so nope, sorry. don’t think it’s possible to live without hope and still retain our humanity.

even when unrequited hope slams into you with an unyielding fist, making you stagger, breathless with anguish, a kernel remains. as you recover from that soul-wrenching, hope quietly grows. and one day when you least expect it, it’ll peer up at you, like the first flower of spring; it will rise anew, strong and confident, ready to once more reach for that expectation, hoping that this time, it will see fulfillment.

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can we expand the menu, please!?


So an old friend contacted me out of the blue recently, several years after leaving me the emotional equivalent of a beached whale, flopping out of my element, gasping for air, frantic that I’d not find sanctuary before I expired. (Okay, it wasn’t quite that dramatic). This “friend” had been something more at the time, and then the drama started. Not quick enough – or smart enough – to hightail it, I ended up being badly burned. Emotionally speaking.

Anyway. Apparently, he’s desperate to talk to someone. – Or so he says. Manipulative much? – And clearly, I’m the current favorite. I know of at least one other person he’s used as “confessor.” Why not call that other person? Or better yet, call God. Let Him deal with the baggage. I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to give him another chance as a friend. Maybe at arm’s length. He pretty much burned the bridge for anything else and would have to perform AMAZING feats of daring do to get back into my good graces enough to rank above friendship status again.

What I want to know is why I seem to be a magnet for damaged guys. Not one of those little, dull magnets that everything falls off of within a day or two. No. I’m talking about one of those huge, good-as-new, shiny magnets. The kind you have to place inside a superconductor box inside freezing cold temps to break its hold on metal objects. One guy was abused as a child – actually, more than one of them was, but I digress – another suffered a baseball bat beating by friends of a psycho ex-girlfriend, another discovered his weakness for “recreational” drugs and had his stomach pumped at least once. And let’s not forget the spoiled, spiteful young man who was an early object of my affections. I regret to say that I allowed him to systematically tear my self-image & esteem to shreds. All of them in their own way drained me to the point of depression. I guess we’re all a little damaged in some way, but it’d be nice to once in a while attract the attentions of a guy who’s risen from the ashes of abuse or psycho girlfriends or whatever else he’s been addicted to and allowed it to make him stronger as a man, rather than continually riding the ferris wheel of self-pity, recidivism and emotional unavailability.

Here’s my order: I’ll take one tall, relatively slender, firmly heterosexual caucasian (ethnicity is negotiable for the right man) male please, heavy on the positive work ethics, a generous helping of morality, a little of the bad boy/devil-may-care personality, a bountiful helping of self-respect and respect for others. He must also be intelligent and have at least a level of common sense comparable to mine (why would I want a man who I can easily manipulate and out-conversate??). A college degree in something useful would be nice. Ambition, a well-paying steady job; likes to travel (outside the USA as well as in), not more than 7 years younger or 10- 15 years older than me. And yes, must be of the same faith as me. There are a few more…um…intimate details, but as this is a family friendly blog, those particular details will be revealed only to the applicant(s) in question. : – )

Am I asking for too much, do you think? I know they’re out there somewhere. I’ve met them. Unfortunately, most of them are married! I don’t want perfection, but a girl’s gotta have SOME standards.

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Images of Wilkes-Barre


My first Residency at Wilkes University in January 2009, was pretty intense. Classes all day and homework assignments every night, to be turned in the next morning. One of our assignments was to walk around the town of Wilkes-Barre, consider the blight and beauty of the town, then write about it. The genre that would express our vision – fiction, non-fiction, poetry, drama or screenplay – was assigned based on small groups – 4 or 5 students to a group. For this exercise, my group had to write a poem. This is the poem I composed while walking the beautiful and blighted streets of Wilkes-Barre.

In my travels
I walk the streets
of a quaint old mining town
that has seen better years.

Architecture at once blighted and beautiful;
buildings formerly stately and proud
give silent witness to attention once paid;
lives once lived, now forsaken.

History lives on, rich and present;
ghosts of a time maybe long forgotten
bright colors weathered and worn.
Walking down the streets, you imagine and sense.

A six-sided star – embedded high in the window
of a house of faith existing
in the midst of the bleakness and gloom –
seems to speak of hope for redemption.

Though barren and worn, some pride remains;
though tired efforts to restore fall short,
still, deserted gables stare with hopeful eyes
peering down at us, following our passage.

Silent voices screaming in my ears,
“Wait! Come and stay with me.
Gaze out of my windowpane and
keep company with me.”

“My inhabitants are all gone away
I’ve been abandoned for far too long.
Dust coats my casements
my covers are tatters and rags.”

The pleading voices fade as we swiftly pass
more pressing matters fill our thoughts;
no time to waste
on ancient and deserted lives.

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